ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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