you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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