She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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