Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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