We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
