threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
