dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
