You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
