just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
