There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
