It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
