I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
