I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
