The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
