so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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