Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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