Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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