Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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