I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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