i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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