NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
