R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
