the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
