Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
