ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
