i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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