I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
