So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
