Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
