please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
