Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
