Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
