Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
