Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
