I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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