OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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