you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How's work?
Spinning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
