You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
