I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
