Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
