Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
