Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
