I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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