Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
