The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
