Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
