I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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