I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
