he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
