So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
