I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
