Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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